EXHAUSTIVE PARENTING

    I realized how exhausted I was before I even woke up this morning.
    
    In my dream, I had won a trip to Hawaii for my husband, our two boys, and me.  I rode the small island hopper plane down into paradise, skimming over crystal clear water, white sand beaches, and tropical foliage.   It was just as I remembered it all from the honeymoon Duane and I took nearly 20 years ago.
    
    Then the plane landed and I had kids and luggage and security checks and by the time I got out of the airport with my several bags I just sat down, exhausted, in the parking lot.  I was covered by my luggage, which sat weightily on my lap.
    
    I noticed three large books we had brought along, hardcover, and very thick volumes.  Why did I have these and why wasn't my husband carrying them?

    The boys wanted to swim, but I found myself yearning for my bed back home.

    "I don't think we had this much baggage last time we were here," I remarked to my husband.

    And that's when my four year old woke me up.

    I love being a mom.  It's above all my favorite job in the world.  But let's face it - parenting is exhausting.

    After a week of dropping into bed at 9:30 p.m. every night (including Friday) I decided to figure out why I was so tired.  I stayed up later that night, making a list of all I do and reorganizing my planner.
    
    That, of course, was the night the boys both woke me up several times with various problems.  And they still got up early the next morning.

    I have been exhausted for 10 years, from approximately the time I became heavy with pregnancy until now.  Friends with older children tell me I will never sleep well again.  When they are teens,  I'll wait up, worrying, for them until they are home safe, and even when they are in college I will worry that someone will fall out of their top bunk. Then our own issues will set in - hot flashes for us women, prostrate trouble for men, sleep apnea for us all.  So I have to face it - I'll never sleep well again.
    
    But it's not just the lack of sleep that has me exhausted.  Parenting is hard work all around.  There's not a single meal where I don't get up at least three times to clean up a spill or get some forgotten item.  And going anywhere is like packing for a six-month trip.
    
    I had to pick my son up from school the other day and take him and the 4-year old to violin class.  First, I had to make sure I had the violins, music books, snacks, drinks, treats for after class, extra clothes for the little one in case the drinks spilled, the grocery list (so we could eat dinner), my cell phone (to call my husband with the grocery list), pencil and paper so my older son could do homework, and my purse.  
    
    I know. I know…those of you who don't have little kids at home are saying, "This woman is crazy!  Her kids are spoiled rotten!"

    And I am.  And they are.  But that's not the point.    
    
    The point is, no matter how well prepared you is, no matter how self-sufficient your kids are - they still need you.  We, as parents, are (if we're lucky) forever tied to their world.  It starts as newborns and it doesn’t end.  Ever.

    Just ask my parents.

    Last night Duane and I packed lunches, gave baths, got out clothes for morning, and got everybody tucked in bed for the 10th time.  We sat down to turn on the TV.

    "Does that clock say 10 p.m.?" Duane asked.

    I squinted at the clock on the DVD player through droopy eyelids and dried out contact lenses.

    "Uh-huh"

    He put the remote control down.  We moseyed upstairs and collapsed, exhausted, in bed.    

    It was then that we realized we weren't alone.  Curled up on the floor on either side of the bed was a small boy, hugging a stuffed animal and fast asleep.

    I got up and covered each one with a blanket from the closet, then went back to bed.  I could hear their soft breathing and it felt good to know that they were there near me.  

    Then I quickly shut my eyes to grab some sleep while I could.  At least no one would fall out of bed….

Pamela Gossiaux is a mother of two and the author of Why Is There A Lemon In My Fruit Salad.  When she isn't trying to fit in a nap, she's working on her next book. Visit her website at www.pamelagossiaux.com

Copyright 2010 by Pamela Gossiaux